''I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mentall illness.''

Today was a hassle at school and at home.There was so much drama going on,and drama is the last thing i need because i feel like if the smallest thing happens to me im going to have a breakdown.Not going to explain what was this drama thing about but let's say there's probably none of my friends that hasnt lied to me someway which really scares me somehow.
My depression has been getting worse and worse,and one of my best friends who criticizes me all the time (not in the nice way) is not helping at it all,i dont think she gets how much she hurts me,she says a lot of things about my looks and never fails to mention something like "get a life" or "you dont have a life" which is just wonderful for me whos trying to feel even slightly better.And she even laughs when she says something like that.
Im also pretty sure i have gained some weight,but im too scared to even get to the scale..but i have to do it soon.today i havent eaten anything but some noodles (42cal), 0,5L diet coke and water.Im feeling a bit sick at the moment so i havent been able to go to the gym,and when i do i really can go like once or twice a week because its 9 euros per time and i dont like spending so much money everyday or so.

 Well there is all for this post,im probably going to write more diet related stuff in here in the next posts but right now i dont have time.

ps.I deleted all of my old blog post's because i didn't write for awhile and i didnt feel like those post's were not accurate anymore.
pps.English isnt my native language so sorry if theres mistakes.